[Landshire] Country Fried Steak

Hello again hungry Bearcats! Today, I'll be reviewing the Country Fried Steak from Landshire. Now, unlike my other reviews, I actually know exactly how this is going to taste. One day during my first semester here at Northwest, I was extremely hungry. I haven't had anything to eat the whole day, but I only had 5 minutes before my next class. Thinking that I should at least get something sweet to drink for the class, I headed towards the vending machines.

It was then, when the burgers in the vending machines caught my eyes for the first time. Tempted, and without enough time to consider the possible outcome of my decision, I proceeded to buy the most delicious sounding burger - the Country Fried Steak Burger. 

How could I have not seen it coming?
I mean seriously. To this day, I am not sure how any form of microwavable fried meat sounded good to me that day.

In a hurry, I microwaved the burger and ran into the class. Of course, everyone around me stared at me as if I was holding a bomb. It was only then I realized the horribly salty and sour smell that was coming from the burger. Yes, something smelled sour.

Also, I smelled the sogginess. I cannot describe the smell in any other way. The burger smelled soggy. Maybe I just felt the moisture in the burger, or maybe there really is a smell to sogginess, but even before the wrapper was fully off, I knew that not only the buns but also the patty in the middle was going to be soggy.

An interesting observation I made just as I was about to take my first bite was that there was white powder stuck all over the top bun. The flour looking powder was completely tasteless, but created a rough and dry texture, which made it harder to swallow.

The explosion of saltiness as soon as I took the first bite was also unbearable. There was nothing but saltiness. I wasn't sure if anything could be any saltier than that burger. The "fried steak" broke apart into flakes in the mouth, spreading the saltiness all over my mouth. The disgusting texture and the horrible taste of the burger is unforgettable, to this day.

And yet today, I did it again.

Sigh.

Apparently, expecting something going to happen, does not make the experience any less horrific.

The burger was a lot soggier than I remembered. The fried steak tasted more like salted flaky-style fake beef. If I had to imagine what fake beef tastes like, it would be that exact taste.

After having eaten one good tasting burger and one relatively okay tasting burger in the weeks before, perhaps I was expecting something a little more flavorful.

I always wonder how these companies that make such horrible food are still in business. Maybe there are people who actually enjoy disgusting food. But all I can be sure is that I will not support companies like this to make any more food like this by buying their products. I do not recommend this burger to anyone. There are certainly other alternatives you can try, and there is no reason to torture yourself with such a flavorless and flaky "burger".

[Deli Express] Chuckwagon

Today, I am back with the second burger from my vending machine burger series! I'll be honest, I was actually delightfully surprised by last week's burger. I know this is a bad idea, but I'm actually looking forward to this week's burger.

The packaging looks almost identical to the Barbecue Deluxe from last week. The black sesame seeds on the top actually looks promising.

Same as last week, I microwaved the burger for 45 seconds. Maybe it is the packaging, but like last week, I couldn't smell anything until I took the burger out of the wrapper. Only this time, I really didn't smell very much even after I took the burger out. Also, I wasn't sure if the microwaving was necessary at all. After all, it was just ham and cheese sandwich. Without too much worry, I took a bite. 

Umm... 

Hmm. I mean... It didn't taste bad but it definitely didn't taste good. I really can't find a word to describe what I tasted. The taste of soggy bread mixed with old and dry cheese with ham to create a weird taste that was similar to that of a ham-cheese sandwich, but not quite. The taste of the soggy bun overwhelmed most of the other taste except for the saltiness of the ham. 

This burger certainly was not the worst food out there on this campus. But having to finish it was a struggle. Perhaps it was because of my raised expectations from the last burger, but this burger was extremely disappointing. If you are hungry before a class and in need of a quick snack, this burger wouldn't be a terrible choice. But if you have another choice, take the other choice. 

[Deli Express] BBQ Deluxe Sandwich

YAY!! Finally done with the disgusting pre-cooked meal series. From this week, I will be eating the burgers from the vending machines in Garrett Strong and Colden Hall. Today, I will be eating the BBQ Deluxe burger from Deli Express. There really isn't a picture to bring my hopes up, which I guess is good. After those three disgusting meals, I'm prepared for the worst.

 I mean it doesn't really look that bad to be honest.

Similarly to the pre-cooked meals, I ripped the corner of the rapper to make sure the pressure doesn't build up inside and microwaved the burger for 45 seconds.

Slightly concerned by the lack of any kind of smell, I took the burger out of the microwave and peeled the rapper off. Then, a delicious smell of sweet and savory barbecue sauce hit me. At this point, I was conflicted. On the one hand, I thought maybe this actually wasn't going to be bad, but on the other hand, I wasn't sure if I could trust the smell. With a head full of doubt, I took a bite,

To my delight, it actually tasted good. IT ACTUALLY TASTED GOOD! Sure the buns were soggy, but the actual barbecue tasted good. The sauce was slightly sweet with just the right amount of saltiness. If I had to pick one thing strange though, it was the unidentifiable meat. I honestly could not tell what the meat was. It looked a little bit like chicken, but I can't be sure.

For the first time after I started this blog, I didn't have a problem finishing the burger. The soggy bread was slightly weird, but the good sauce covered up the sogginess. I would definitely recommend this to any hungry Bearcats. It is easy and quick to make, and it really does taste good. Of course, it doesn't taste amazing like gourmet burgers from Michelin-starred restaurants, but for having bought it from a vending machine, it's good enough.

[StarKist] Lunch To Go - Chunk Light Tuna In Water

Hmm. Tuna and vending machines do not seem to go very well together in my head. Especially since this particular package has been in that vending machine for over a semester now.

To be honest, I was actually afraid to eat this. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of good tuna. But I was almost completely sure that this wasn't going to be good tuna.

The packaging was actually very interesting. At first, I thought this was something similar to the Hormel dishes. I thought I would have to microwave the bag inside the package. But when I opened the outer wrapper, I was pleasantly surprised.

There was a bag of tuna and underneath it, there were two separate bags of different condiments, as well as crackers, a spoon, candy and even a napkin. Definitely not something I had expected.

That was when my roommate started telling me how much he hated tuna. Believing that this could actually be a good tuna dish, I began trying to persuade him that not all tuna tasted bad. But when I opened the bag of tuna, I immediately stopped arguing.

The explosion of the repulsive and fishy smell made me cringe. It was a familiar smell. It was the smell of a Vietnamese fish market, mixed with the smell of cat-food. Maybe it was indeed cat-food; the appearance wasn't too far off. In fact, it was very close, if not almost the same.

I tried to stay optimistic. Food can smell bad, that doesn't mean that they have to taste bad as well. I mean I had plenty of those experiences in Vietnam. So, I mixed in the condiments, then with what was left of my hope, I took a spoonful and ate it with a cracker.

Oh why... Just why...

It didn't taste like tuna. But it didn't taste like anything else I could recognize. It was a mixture of the dry, fishy and blend taste from the tuna and the sweetness of the relish and saltiness of the mayo. The cracker also had a very funny taste. I couldn't tell if it was salty or sweet.


With utter confusion and disgust, I looked over to my roommate. And there he was, with his shirt over his nose, laughing at my suffering.

As always, I finished the packet. Maybe it is just me being stubborn, or maybe I was just really hungry. When I was done, I ate the candy as well. Although I told myself that no one can possibly mess up a candy, I was still kind of reluctant. But thankfully, the candy tasted like a regular mint flavored candy. That candy was probably the best tasting thing in that entire package.

This was not as bad as the chicken. But only by a very small difference. The taste itself wasn't too disgusting, it was just the smell and the confusing mixture of flavors that I did not understand. In the end, if you do not have a sensitive nose, and are looking for a very light and quick lunch, go ahead, eat this. But I can't guarantee that you won't be sick afterwards since as I am writing this, I can feel my stomach growling, signally me that something is wrong.

[Hormel] Stake Tips and Mashed Potatoes

Today, I am back with another Hormel Complete microwavable food from the vending machines. After my last experience with the chicken breasts, I sincerely hoped that this would be different.

I'm sorry I don't have the picture of it
from the front... I forgot to take the picture..

Just like the last time, the packaging featured a picture of a delicious meal. Of course, I wasn't fooled this time. There was no way the actual food was going to look anything like the picture. But I there was still hope. I mean, although the chicken breasts tasted horrible, maybe this one wouldn't taste as bad. There must be a reason why this company still exists... right? 

As always, the package was microwaved for a minute and a half. Unlike what I expected, the smell wasn't completely repulsive. In fact, it was actually quite pleasant. It was as if there was actual beef being roasted somewhere close.

Well okay... must be a good sign...

With the excitement that perhaps today I would get to eat something flavorful, I peeled the plastic lid off. Again, disappointed by the disgusting looking pile of what was supposedly gravy on top of mashed potatoes and beef. To be honest, it kind of resembled poop. Despite the disgusting appearance, the smell was still relatively pleasant. I told myself that I shouldn't expect microwavable food to taste good and look nice at the same time, as I took the fork and took my first bite.


Sigh... Flavorful my ass. 

What was meant to be beef tasted like salted paper with metal powder mixed into it. The metallic taste was quite similar to that of the chicken breast I ate last week. The gravy was extremely salty with nothing that even resembled flavor. The mashed potatoes... Oh god the mashed potatoes... They were grainy and somehow sandy. It was as if the potatoes were all dried up and re-hydrated.
After finishing what was again, one of the worst dishes I have ever tasted in my life, I sat on my desk, wondering if what I just ate was actually food. Why would people eat things like this? How is this company still not bankrupt?  

At least I know you guys won't be eating this, so I suppose I'm one step closer to stopping Hormel. I will repeat what I said on my last post: I would not recommend this disgusting soup of fake beef and dehydrated mashed potatoes to anyone.