[Campbell] Chicken & Noodle Soup

Okay, so when I first started writing this article, I didn't realize that Campbell was actually a reputable company. I only bought the soup, because it was in the vending machine in my dorm. Also, after last week's fake tasting chicken flavored ramen, I felt that this would have a similar taste.

So, when I brought the can of soup upstairs to eat and my friends told me that Campbell soups aren't really sketchy, I was disappointed. But being the lazy person I am, I refused to go back to Garrett-Strong for another burger. Maybe today, I will actually have something that I will really enjoy.

The concept of a soup in a can is certainly new to me. To be honest, it does sound pretty gross. But I mean, how bad could it be (Hmm. The last time I said this, I was pleasantly surprised with a disgusting and rubbery fake chicken).

I took the lid off, and peeled the top off, Annnnd the soup almost exploded out. A little suggestion here would be to peel the can as slowly as possible. The soup was filled all the way to the top, making it very difficult to open the can without spilling.

It definitely didn't seem very appetizing. The soup was very gooey, a texture I don't look for in soups. But on the plus side, it actually smelled like chicken stock. So, trying to only think of the positives, I cooked the soup as instructed. A pleasant smell of well seasoned chicken stock began to spill out of the microwave.

I began to get a little bit excited. Does this mean that I can have good soup whenever I wanted? Well we'll find out.

When I took the soup out of the microwave, the gooey texture was gone and the soup was now at a perfect, liquidy consistency, definitely a good sign. I put the lid back on, and took a gulp.

Wow. It was actually quite nice. Warm and flavorful chicken stock tasted like what it needed to taste like. But I found that having the lid on really didn't help at all. So I took the lid back off, and began to eat the soup with a spoon.

Now, although it says to cook for a minute and 15 seconds, I think cooking it for another 15~30 seconds would have been better, since the actual noodles and "chicken" weren't fully heated. Also, there really weren't enough noodles and vegetables. They were tiny, cut-up pieces of carrots and salary, but they were barely noticeable, especially since they were very slimy and soggy. Also, I was led to believe that there was going to be chicken in the soup.

There really wasn't. Sure there were almost negligible amount of cut up strips of chicken that I barely noticed, but other than that, there really wasn't much. I would recommend actually putting some real vegetables and chicken in it, and cooking it for a little while. It would definitely improve the flavor. However, it was good enough to make me change my mind about canned soups and I would gladly go back and eat another one when I am too busy to go to the Union.

Edit. I'm sorry about the lack of pictures in my last two posts, for some reason, blogger is refusing to let me upload pictures, I will have them up as soon as the problem is fixed.

[Maruchan Ramen] Chicken Flavor

I'm sorry guys for my absence last week... I got lazy, things led to another and I just didn't have the time to write this post last week. I'm also really running out of things to review... I would review the Union food, but everyone knows how bad their food is. So today, I decided to steal one of my roommate's ramen!

Now, as a Korean student, ramen is... kind of like the holy grail of cheap and delicious food. If any of you haven't tried Korean ramen yet, you are really missing out in life. In fact, if you comment on this post, I will randomly pick two people and get them a pack of ramen each!

But anyways, even though I'm pretty much addicted to ramen, I haven't had any ramen since I came to the United States. The ramen I will be eating today is my roommate's favorite, the Chicken Flavored Maruchan Ramen.

I cooked the ramen as I would cook any ramen. Open the package, broke the noodles in half, put water in the bowl and cooked it for 5 minutes in the microwave. Up until then, everything was normal. Then, I put the powdered flavoring in. That was when things started looking weird.

The thing is, almost all Korean ramen are spicy. So any ramen that doesn't look red or some shade or red looks... weird to me. But I mean, I've had non-spicy ramen before. So I mixed the flavoring in and let it sit for a minute to cool down a little.

Hmm. The smell was interesting. It really wasn't the smell of "chicken" but rather herbs used in traditional Korean medicine. The slightly bitter and earthy smell mixed in with what I assume was the artificial flavoring to make the soup taste like chicken stock. It wasn't completely unpleasant, but it definitely didn't smell like chicken soup.

Nonetheless, I took a bite.

Well. It really wasn't too bad. It was very... plain and one dimensional. It wasn't that the soup wasn't flavored, but it was rather flat. I could tell what was meant to taste like chicken, but it tasted more like artificial flavoring. The texture of the noodle was actually pretty decent. There was a slight bit of chew in the middle although the outsides were soft. Almost perfectly al-dente.

Overall, the ramen itself really wasn't too bad. It was a little too salty for my taste, but it's cheap and filling. Maybe next time, I'll try cooking it with actual chicken stock with some vegetables and actual chicken to give it more flavor and depth. But as a quick dinner when you're too lazy or busy to make an actual dinner, this would serve as an acceptable alternative. 

[Provisions on Demand] Ham on Wheat Bread

Alright, alright, after last week's shock, I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue eating any of the burgers in the vending machine this week. I know, I'm getting weaker... But I really didn't want to eat a burger today. So, I decided to eat a sandwich instead.

 This time, I actually wasn't sure what to do. Did I need to microwave this? Should I just eat it without doing anything to it?

Lost in the newly found freedom called the lack of instructions, I decided that since it was a sandwich, I could just eat it without microwaving. I peeled the wrappers off, which was surprisingly difficult by the way, and took my first bite off.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it tasted exactly like a ham cheese sandwich. There really isn't much else to be said about the taste... (which is a problem because I don't have anything else to talk about...)

The bread actually tasted fresh and the ham and cheese tasted "normal" for once. It definitely wasn't the best ham-cheese sandwich I have had, but it definitely wasn't bad.

....

Well this is bad... I'm out of things to talk about... I usually have more things to complain about, but today the sandwich was so normal, that there really isn't much to talk about...

So, I decided to eat another one! Except this time, I decided to microwave the sandwich.

Thankfully, my roommate reminded me that perhaps it wasn't a good idea to microwave the sandwich while it's still in the plastic bag that wasn't supposed to be microwaved.

But after closely avoiding setting off the fire alarm, I microwaved the sandwich.

O.O

This... was... by far the best thing I have eaten since the beginning of this blog... The gooey molten cheese spilled out of the side, coating the bread that was now actually slightly toasted. The cheese covered ham tasted heavenly.

It actually tasted so good, that I forgot to take pictures of it. If you are ever really hungry, and in need of a good sandwich, get this sandwich, MICROWAVE IT for about 45 seconds to a minute. You will actually be surprised by how good it tastes.

[Landshire] Country Fried Steak

Hello again hungry Bearcats! Today, I'll be reviewing the Country Fried Steak from Landshire. Now, unlike my other reviews, I actually know exactly how this is going to taste. One day during my first semester here at Northwest, I was extremely hungry. I haven't had anything to eat the whole day, but I only had 5 minutes before my next class. Thinking that I should at least get something sweet to drink for the class, I headed towards the vending machines.

It was then, when the burgers in the vending machines caught my eyes for the first time. Tempted, and without enough time to consider the possible outcome of my decision, I proceeded to buy the most delicious sounding burger - the Country Fried Steak Burger. 

How could I have not seen it coming?
I mean seriously. To this day, I am not sure how any form of microwavable fried meat sounded good to me that day.

In a hurry, I microwaved the burger and ran into the class. Of course, everyone around me stared at me as if I was holding a bomb. It was only then I realized the horribly salty and sour smell that was coming from the burger. Yes, something smelled sour.

Also, I smelled the sogginess. I cannot describe the smell in any other way. The burger smelled soggy. Maybe I just felt the moisture in the burger, or maybe there really is a smell to sogginess, but even before the wrapper was fully off, I knew that not only the buns but also the patty in the middle was going to be soggy.

An interesting observation I made just as I was about to take my first bite was that there was white powder stuck all over the top bun. The flour looking powder was completely tasteless, but created a rough and dry texture, which made it harder to swallow.

The explosion of saltiness as soon as I took the first bite was also unbearable. There was nothing but saltiness. I wasn't sure if anything could be any saltier than that burger. The "fried steak" broke apart into flakes in the mouth, spreading the saltiness all over my mouth. The disgusting texture and the horrible taste of the burger is unforgettable, to this day.

And yet today, I did it again.

Sigh.

Apparently, expecting something going to happen, does not make the experience any less horrific.

The burger was a lot soggier than I remembered. The fried steak tasted more like salted flaky-style fake beef. If I had to imagine what fake beef tastes like, it would be that exact taste.

After having eaten one good tasting burger and one relatively okay tasting burger in the weeks before, perhaps I was expecting something a little more flavorful.

I always wonder how these companies that make such horrible food are still in business. Maybe there are people who actually enjoy disgusting food. But all I can be sure is that I will not support companies like this to make any more food like this by buying their products. I do not recommend this burger to anyone. There are certainly other alternatives you can try, and there is no reason to torture yourself with such a flavorless and flaky "burger".

[Deli Express] Chuckwagon

Today, I am back with the second burger from my vending machine burger series! I'll be honest, I was actually delightfully surprised by last week's burger. I know this is a bad idea, but I'm actually looking forward to this week's burger.

The packaging looks almost identical to the Barbecue Deluxe from last week. The black sesame seeds on the top actually looks promising.

Same as last week, I microwaved the burger for 45 seconds. Maybe it is the packaging, but like last week, I couldn't smell anything until I took the burger out of the wrapper. Only this time, I really didn't smell very much even after I took the burger out. Also, I wasn't sure if the microwaving was necessary at all. After all, it was just ham and cheese sandwich. Without too much worry, I took a bite. 

Umm... 

Hmm. I mean... It didn't taste bad but it definitely didn't taste good. I really can't find a word to describe what I tasted. The taste of soggy bread mixed with old and dry cheese with ham to create a weird taste that was similar to that of a ham-cheese sandwich, but not quite. The taste of the soggy bun overwhelmed most of the other taste except for the saltiness of the ham. 

This burger certainly was not the worst food out there on this campus. But having to finish it was a struggle. Perhaps it was because of my raised expectations from the last burger, but this burger was extremely disappointing. If you are hungry before a class and in need of a quick snack, this burger wouldn't be a terrible choice. But if you have another choice, take the other choice. 

[Deli Express] BBQ Deluxe Sandwich

YAY!! Finally done with the disgusting pre-cooked meal series. From this week, I will be eating the burgers from the vending machines in Garrett Strong and Colden Hall. Today, I will be eating the BBQ Deluxe burger from Deli Express. There really isn't a picture to bring my hopes up, which I guess is good. After those three disgusting meals, I'm prepared for the worst.

 I mean it doesn't really look that bad to be honest.

Similarly to the pre-cooked meals, I ripped the corner of the rapper to make sure the pressure doesn't build up inside and microwaved the burger for 45 seconds.

Slightly concerned by the lack of any kind of smell, I took the burger out of the microwave and peeled the rapper off. Then, a delicious smell of sweet and savory barbecue sauce hit me. At this point, I was conflicted. On the one hand, I thought maybe this actually wasn't going to be bad, but on the other hand, I wasn't sure if I could trust the smell. With a head full of doubt, I took a bite,

To my delight, it actually tasted good. IT ACTUALLY TASTED GOOD! Sure the buns were soggy, but the actual barbecue tasted good. The sauce was slightly sweet with just the right amount of saltiness. If I had to pick one thing strange though, it was the unidentifiable meat. I honestly could not tell what the meat was. It looked a little bit like chicken, but I can't be sure.

For the first time after I started this blog, I didn't have a problem finishing the burger. The soggy bread was slightly weird, but the good sauce covered up the sogginess. I would definitely recommend this to any hungry Bearcats. It is easy and quick to make, and it really does taste good. Of course, it doesn't taste amazing like gourmet burgers from Michelin-starred restaurants, but for having bought it from a vending machine, it's good enough.

[StarKist] Lunch To Go - Chunk Light Tuna In Water

Hmm. Tuna and vending machines do not seem to go very well together in my head. Especially since this particular package has been in that vending machine for over a semester now.

To be honest, I was actually afraid to eat this. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of good tuna. But I was almost completely sure that this wasn't going to be good tuna.

The packaging was actually very interesting. At first, I thought this was something similar to the Hormel dishes. I thought I would have to microwave the bag inside the package. But when I opened the outer wrapper, I was pleasantly surprised.

There was a bag of tuna and underneath it, there were two separate bags of different condiments, as well as crackers, a spoon, candy and even a napkin. Definitely not something I had expected.

That was when my roommate started telling me how much he hated tuna. Believing that this could actually be a good tuna dish, I began trying to persuade him that not all tuna tasted bad. But when I opened the bag of tuna, I immediately stopped arguing.

The explosion of the repulsive and fishy smell made me cringe. It was a familiar smell. It was the smell of a Vietnamese fish market, mixed with the smell of cat-food. Maybe it was indeed cat-food; the appearance wasn't too far off. In fact, it was very close, if not almost the same.

I tried to stay optimistic. Food can smell bad, that doesn't mean that they have to taste bad as well. I mean I had plenty of those experiences in Vietnam. So, I mixed in the condiments, then with what was left of my hope, I took a spoonful and ate it with a cracker.

Oh why... Just why...

It didn't taste like tuna. But it didn't taste like anything else I could recognize. It was a mixture of the dry, fishy and blend taste from the tuna and the sweetness of the relish and saltiness of the mayo. The cracker also had a very funny taste. I couldn't tell if it was salty or sweet.


With utter confusion and disgust, I looked over to my roommate. And there he was, with his shirt over his nose, laughing at my suffering.

As always, I finished the packet. Maybe it is just me being stubborn, or maybe I was just really hungry. When I was done, I ate the candy as well. Although I told myself that no one can possibly mess up a candy, I was still kind of reluctant. But thankfully, the candy tasted like a regular mint flavored candy. That candy was probably the best tasting thing in that entire package.

This was not as bad as the chicken. But only by a very small difference. The taste itself wasn't too disgusting, it was just the smell and the confusing mixture of flavors that I did not understand. In the end, if you do not have a sensitive nose, and are looking for a very light and quick lunch, go ahead, eat this. But I can't guarantee that you won't be sick afterwards since as I am writing this, I can feel my stomach growling, signally me that something is wrong.

[Hormel] Stake Tips and Mashed Potatoes

Today, I am back with another Hormel Complete microwavable food from the vending machines. After my last experience with the chicken breasts, I sincerely hoped that this would be different.

I'm sorry I don't have the picture of it
from the front... I forgot to take the picture..

Just like the last time, the packaging featured a picture of a delicious meal. Of course, I wasn't fooled this time. There was no way the actual food was going to look anything like the picture. But I there was still hope. I mean, although the chicken breasts tasted horrible, maybe this one wouldn't taste as bad. There must be a reason why this company still exists... right? 

As always, the package was microwaved for a minute and a half. Unlike what I expected, the smell wasn't completely repulsive. In fact, it was actually quite pleasant. It was as if there was actual beef being roasted somewhere close.

Well okay... must be a good sign...

With the excitement that perhaps today I would get to eat something flavorful, I peeled the plastic lid off. Again, disappointed by the disgusting looking pile of what was supposedly gravy on top of mashed potatoes and beef. To be honest, it kind of resembled poop. Despite the disgusting appearance, the smell was still relatively pleasant. I told myself that I shouldn't expect microwavable food to taste good and look nice at the same time, as I took the fork and took my first bite.


Sigh... Flavorful my ass. 

What was meant to be beef tasted like salted paper with metal powder mixed into it. The metallic taste was quite similar to that of the chicken breast I ate last week. The gravy was extremely salty with nothing that even resembled flavor. The mashed potatoes... Oh god the mashed potatoes... They were grainy and somehow sandy. It was as if the potatoes were all dried up and re-hydrated.
After finishing what was again, one of the worst dishes I have ever tasted in my life, I sat on my desk, wondering if what I just ate was actually food. Why would people eat things like this? How is this company still not bankrupt?  

At least I know you guys won't be eating this, so I suppose I'm one step closer to stopping Hormel. I will repeat what I said on my last post: I would not recommend this disgusting soup of fake beef and dehydrated mashed potatoes to anyone.

[Hormel] Home-style Chicken Breast and Mashed Potatoes

 The fact that has been sitting in my dorm’s vending machine for months should have been a red flag. But I mean… How bad could it be, right?

The packaging seemed decent. The picture of nice, moist chicken breast, on top of smooth and creamy mashed potatoes, glistening with flavorful gravy, promised me a filling and delicious dinner. Little did I know, this was about to be one of the most disgusting things I ever put in my mouth.

Printed on the bottom were the standard microwaving instructions I’ve grown more accustomed to than I am willing to accept. The familiar feeling from reading the instructions reassured my false confidence that this was going to taste good. After all, most of the ramen and microwavable food I cooked tasted just fine.

I opened the packaging, excited by the delightful dinner I was going to have. I followed the instructions; poked holes on the rapper and microwaved it. I must admit, the smell definitely made me doubt my excitement. It was appalling. I couldn’t quite name what it smelled like. Perhaps it smelled like chicken that’s gone bad, or perhaps it smelled like sweat, but it wasn’t a pleasant smell.

I opened the rapper, only to realize that I had fallen victim to a horribly misleading marketing scheme. The food looked nothing like the picture on the package; the color was dreadful. Was this even real chicken? It seemed like a rubbery piece of flop on top of soggy and weird looking goo.  The explosion of the repulsive smell immediately signaled me that this wasn’t something I should be putting into my mouth. Despite my roommate and my brain deploring me to just throw it away, I pushed myself to take a bite. I had decided to write a review, and I wasn’t going to write a review without at least tasting the food. 

Eww.. Just.. Ew...

The disgusting metallic and salty taste of the gravy coupled with the dryness of the chicken made the first bite extremely difficult to swallow. The potatoes were grainy and completely flavorless. This was definitely one of the top 5 grossest thing I’ve had to put into my mouth. For the love of god, this tasted worse than the treats my dog eats (and yes, I’ve tasted my dog’s treats).

I did end up finishing all of the disgusting mixture of what tasted like a soup of gooey sand and overcooked piece of old chicken.

Overall, I would be comfortable with rating this the second most disgusting things I’ve ever had to taste (the first is a foie gras I had to eat on an airplane, which I threw up almost instantly after putting into my mouth).

The packaging is misleading, as the content of the product does not deliver the promised home-style dinner as portrayed on the package. I would not recommend this to any

one, except those who have been starving for a month with no alternative but this, or those who completely neglected to do their composition assignment, and was left with no choice but to write about something they could find in their dormitory building.